Category: Uncategorized

The Long Pause…as I like to call it

IPLeave a comment

I guess I am back. This profound silence in writing manifested itself in numerous ways. When I stopped writing, it was the beginning of the pandemic. Now, so much has changed.

My life is vastly different and I almost do not know where to begin. I have been putting it off so long it almost seems silly to start over. However, in my lack of writing, I lost my therapeutic outlet and my unorthodox “unicorn space.”

Optimistically, I guess this should give me an abundance of topics with different perspectives.  I will probably throw in some foster care stories and parenting snafus along the way.   

One of the things I have learned throughout my time observing the practice of medicine is the therapeutic value of silence. The long pause. Sometimes this allows the freedom for stories to reveal themselves.  Sometimes there is simply nothing to be said. 

The pandemic was one of those times where I could just not identify the right words.  Reflecting on the situations I encountered made me overcome with sadness.  So, there was also value (for me) in my silence.  Lots of learning, lots of introspection, lots of re-prioritizing and identifying what I hoped to accomplish in this life.  

For better or worse I’m back into it. Feel free to read my ramblings, or not, it won’t hurt my feelings. If you do read them, I hope you learn something about yourself you previously did not consider or maybe it will give you something to ponder.

Still a pharmacist, still uniquely inspired. Talk to you soon.

Birth, Death and In-between

IP

“When your eulogy is being read,
with you life’s actions to rehash,
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you lived your dash?” -The Dash by Linda Ellis

One day as I was making my way to lunch, a visitor approached me asking for directions to a patient’s room.  Despite the fact that I have worked at the hospital for three years, I still get lost and tend to roam about trying to find my way to areas outside my comfort zone.  We have a “rule” at the hospital that essentially requires visitors, or really anyone asking directions, be accompanied to their destination.  On this particular day, honestly, I really did not want to walk beside anyone anywhere.  It had been a somewhat stressful day and I would be required to make small talk with this stranger, which is not my strong suite! My directional challenges would probably be obvious and present themselves and my conversation would be prolonged as we wandered the halls.  Nonetheless, he looked lost, weary, sleep deprived, and like he could use a listening ear…so I asked him where he was headed.  

In the course of our conversation, he relayed that he lived a few hours away.  I asked if he had ever visited our hospital before.  He said, “Last time I was here, was for the birth of my son.  A lot has changed since then, that was a couple of years ago. It was such a different feeling walking into the hospital today.  I cannot believe I am here because my grandpa is dying.”  After we walked in silence a few steps, and as I was about to say how sorry I was, he said, “I think I’ll just try to remember the in-between times.”  This statement was exquisitely personal and struck me as exceptionally profound and insightful.

As I left him at his destination he said, “Thank you for listening. I’m lucky to have run into you.”  It was then I recognized the patient he was visiting.  I replied, “No, I’m the lucky one.  Thank you for allowing me to walk with you today.”  The entire walk I felt as if I should be comforting him, but instead, he was comforting me.  The reason I was having a rough day was because his grandfather was dying and we had just spent several hours trying to stabilize him.  I had somehow just randomly run into his grandson on my way to lunch.  Life playing out as it should…God’s presence was undeniable.  

It is so interesting how the circle of life works and how things can change so quickly.  Those of us in health care know this. Our jobs give us a front row seat for experiencing the best, worst, and everything in-between alongside the patients we serve.  However, I think this circle of life can catch many of us off guard.  That is why remembering the “in-between” helps. The same circle caught me by surprise that day.  A simple reminder not to dwell on the difficult, but instead reboot my attitude and reenter the in-between phase.

The best times in life can be found in-between the gifts we get from heaven and the gifts we return to heaven. In-between the wonderful days and the difficult ones are the everyday, ordinary, great and beautiful ones.  The days you make memories, watch a wonderful sunrise, experience great joy within your families, or find peace in quiet moments.  It is important to formulate your individual memories and stories.  These are what form a person’s legacy and enable your loved ones to remember you well.  

So, I will leave you with this:  In this in-between season, the time between Christmas and the New Year, do not waste a moment.  Love purposefully.  Live with intent.  Lengthen your dash.  Most of all, always walk with others to their destination.  You never know, you might need them more than they need you.

©2019 Inspired Pharmacist

Lessons From The Dying

IP

“You can look death right in the eye, tough as it is, and life lights up.” -Frank Ostaseki

My mom cautioned me not to write too much about death and dying in this blog. So, I felt I should clarify that I am not depressed, nor am I overly consumed by death. I remember the point in my residency when I really started to take note of the ways in which people approach death. It was at a point when I really needed something good to come from everything I witnessed that a preceptor encouraged me to write down three things I learned each day. I am sure this person meant what I learned about disease processes. However, I often wrote down what I learned about life. Luckily, nobody reviewed this notebook as part of my residency requirements! Within the pages of my “What I Learned Today” notebook, I started writing about what the dying said, how they acted, whether or not they accepted what was about to come. Through these observations, I have come to realize that death is a beautiful part of life, which is why a great number of my stories are about these patients and my interactions with them or members of their family.

I have been a part of more deaths than I can recount, so I realize that my comfort level might be higher than average. Often, how the patient spends their final moments can be a source of comfort. Take for example, my patient, who was telling jokes as he was dying. Steering the conversation in humor, as he had always done, was a great relief to his family. “He was ornery until the end,” they told me. There is also the patient who watched Maury until she could not any more. She watched and LOVED Maury for nearly 15 years and did not intend to stop before she needed to. The mundane eased her worry, a reminder that life would go on and as long as she was breathing she still had some control.

On the other hand, sometimes a patient spends their final moments in distress. We can try to mitigate the distress from disease processes. However, the emotional distress some patients feel often cannot be helped. One patient, through no fault of his own, had not seen his son in a number of years, and despite every attempt on our part to establish contact on behalf of the patient, we were not successful. The patient was distraught as he was passing because he was never able to reconnect with one whom he loved so much.

Most often, the way someone dies teaches me something. For example, from the patients above I learned that a sense of humor is key, one should do what they love until the end, and always maintain contact with cherished family and friends. These are life lessons I have usually heard along the way. Whatever the moral, these lessons imparted through observation certainly stick!

While some may believe these stories are not necessarily profound or breathtakingly beautiful in any way, I feel differently. I have realized that finding the goodness, and considering what is learned from the dying is probably the healthiest coping mechanism health care professionals can develop. I seek to honor my patients by speaking of them and gaining a better understanding myself. I desire to find beauty in and learn from my patient’s lives. I want to practice pharmacy in a way that integrates what is meaningful to me.

Strive for a beautiful life, that your dying might also be beautiful.

©2019 Inspired Pharmacist

Living Deliberately

IP

“Do not be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life.  You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live.” –Natalie Babitt

At least once a day, I am reminded of my own mortality, and it awakens me.  It has been almost three years since I met Ms. M*.  She came to us because she was becoming progressively short of breath.  She was nearly my age, newly married, and had just moved back to the area.  When I arrived that day, the physician alerted me to her presence.  She was very rapidly and mysteriously deteriorating, and would need to be placed on a ventilator very soon.  

When asked if a ventilator is what she would want, she was understandably scared.  I recall her telling the nurse she knew she was dying, but that she could not because she had too many things left to accomplish.  Almost immediately, and right after her husband stepped out of the room, her heart stopped beating.  Despite our best and most valiant resuscitation attempts, she did not survive.  She had an endearing personality, that all of us could see shining through despite her severity of illness.  

In the aftermath of ‘time of death,’ as I sat at my desk taking a mental break, I was once again confronted with the need to live deliberately instead of just passively filling my days.  In this case, the patient’s life so similarly resembled my life, and in my moment of pause, I could feel a ton of bricks set squarely on my shoulders.  It could have been me! The weight of it was profound and heartbreaking.  

It is uncomfortable to think about death in general, especially my own.  However, I have found that allowing myself to linger within the unpleasantness, if only for a moment, can be truly liberating.  For me, considering my last days also helps to reshape the present.

I often ask myself the following set of questions.  A spiritual mentor originally gave these questions to me; I have adapted them along my journey.  

If you were no longer here tomorrow, who would notice?  Further, what would they notice? Would they notice the absence of your kindness? Would they notice the somewhat mundane tasks you performed; daily acts of love now profoundly absent?  Do you have any regrets when you think about the answers to these questions?  If so, what can you do TODAY to change course.

If one is truly living, I believe the above questions can be answered with no misgivings.  To live, simply requires a search within for something more.  Bigger dreams, more passion for the things that occupy our time, the desire to continually learn and do better and the creation of memories with loved ones that will last long after death are required.   I certainly do not want my life to end until I have reached a wonderful old age, but witnessing death serves as a reminder that I am not the one who chooses. While I may not have a vote in how things turn out, everyday I wake up and plant my feet on the floor, I receive the opportunity to live deliberately and take control of the options available.

Moreover, one does not have to witness death to have a wake-up call that serves to increase motivation to take control and create change.  Use my lesson as your alarm.  Do what can be done today, no matter what else is happening, to create a life course that will not be viewed with retrospective regret.  Do it today before the choices run out.

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

The Summer Day by Mary Oliver

*Name changed for patient privacy.

©2019 Inspired Pharmacist

Who Heals The Healers?

IP

“A healer is not someone you go to for healing. A healer is someone who triggers within you the ability to heal yourself. ” -Unknown

“You up for a hug today, honey?” “Always,” I exclaimed. My favorite “lunch lady” was up to her usual tactics of cheering everyone she encountered, or at least trying. Sometimes, I long for her job. She is seemingly unburdened as she listens to everyone’s life story, pausing a moment here and there in the hustle of the day to really connect with coworkers and patient family members. I feel I sometimes do not have this luxury.

As I was preparing to write this week, I came across a staggering statistic from U.S. News and World Report. One-third of physicians report experiencing burnout at any given point. I know my blog is entitled Inspired Pharmacist, but one can imagine that these statistics at least somewhat translate across any profession involving high stress and high stakes. So, I went looking for the data. There it was, I found a similar rate reported among clinical pharmacists, especially those working primarily in critical care areas. I have not looked into contributing factors, but I can imagine burnout results in less empathy toward patients and increased feelings of being overwhelmed.

Consequently, I began to ask myself the question “who heals the healers?” Who are the ones who take the time to care about the ones caring for everyone else? Who are the ones who help restore empathy to health care professionals? Who are the ones who help restore depleted compassion?

The first person I thought of was the “lunch lady!” Many may not realize it, but she is part of the heart of the hospital. Whether she knows it or not, she carries a heavy burden. In fact, she carries a very important load, healing the healers. She, and others like her, are vital members of the patient care team. In a way, she mends the leaking wounds of other staff members and boosts morale as they go about their days. While I know and understand that a lot of healing comes from within, someone like her adds another layer of nearly impenetrable strength to our emotional armor.

We can all play a role in healing each other both emotionally, spiritually and mentally. When situations are viewed honestly and with a willingness to help, doors open and the healing process begins. In the course of healing, the one being healed and the healer both thrive.

While this lesson may be repetitive…be kind. Be the “lunch lady” to those you meet each day.

The 33 Things I Know To Be True After My 33rd Year!

IP

It’s my birthday week! I always become slightly more introspective around this time of year. So, this week, I thought I would describe the 33 things I know to be true after my 33rd year.

1. Everything can change in an instant and especially when it is unexpected. These are the defining moments that forever mark our lives. It is what divides the before and after in our life calendars.

2. Doing nothing is quite okay. Always being busy is a drug, and not the helpful kind. Trying to fill our days with “important” tasks often leads to burnout. Try doing nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, and see how effective it can be.

3. Personal relationships are worth the effort, whether married or single.

4. Believe it or not, differences in opinion make the world better. However, one caveat, bizarre differences or those that effect the self-esteem or self-worth of others should be expressed with caution or eliminated.

5. Being grateful and regularly thinking about thankfulness increases happiness. My grandmother was right when she said, “be grateful for what you have and stop thinking about what you don’t have.”

6. One should never stop learning.

7. Likewise, one of the best feelings in the world is passing learned knowledge on to others.

8. If you REALLY want something, you have to work for it and figure out a way to make it happen. If you don’t get it the first time around, work harder. There’s an easy way to tell if someone truly wants something and it will seem so obvious after I say it, but it took me a long time to discover. It is this, those who really want something do not make excuses.

9. It is okay to say no. It is not rude despite the fact that I often perceived it that way in the past. No simply means that I know my worth and respect myself enough to stand up for what I believe in.

10. Early mornings are sacred. I am slowly becoming a morning person. I have found recently that early mornings are when I get the most things accomplished for myself.

11. Quiet time outdoors does wonders for the soul. There are no “influencers” there. Life can be seen in its truest form. So, sit on the front porch or deck, take a walk through the woods, or simply sit under a tree. The calmness is freeing.

12. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. My very wise mother once told me, “nobody is good at everything.” What I can do is the best I can and rest easy knowing I gave it my all.

13. We all have something we do BEST, try to find it! It does not necessarily mean you will be the greatest in the world at it, but it will give you something to lean on when tough times hit.

14. Be a planner!!!! Life becomes infinitely easier. Do not wing it and hope for the best.

15. Make the right decisions. Take the fear out of it. Ask yourself, will I regret not doing this in the next 5, 10, etc. years? If the answer is yes, then you have found the answer.

16. Coffee should always be iced. Cold water, cold beer, cold soda, why shouldn’t coffee also be?

17. Good cooking is easy if you have money, time and a recipe.

18. Some people are just mean. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

19. Big dreams lead to big results. See #8 about really wanting something.

20. The best way to become something is to let someone in on your dream. Suddenly, the path becomes clearer and the vision more realistic. But, see #21.

21. Say it with me: “NOBODY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ACHIEVING MY DREAMS, BUT ME!” Just because I let someone in on it, does not mean they should help to achieve it.

22. Always say hello and smile at everyone. Something so simple might just change a life.

23. Hope is worth so much more than gold. It is the only thing that makes difficult situations bearable.

24. Most of the time, complaining is gross. Figure out a way to change the situation if it is not acceptable.

25. Error on the side of quirky. There is value in “weirdness.” I am positive some of the best things in life were the result of a quirky idea.

26. Ask for forgiveness when a mistake is made.

27. I am not the first to say this, but find it to be exceptionally true…find three things you love: one that makes you money, one to keep you healthy, and one to keep you creative.

28. Humor is essential for happiness. The sound of laughter is more contagious than any sneeze. Laughter binds us together….enough said!

29. There is enough sunlight for everyone. So, cheer for those around you. Their success does not mean you have failed.

30. Success is NOT a straight line. Most successful people zig-zag or take a wrong path, or two. Keep going until you find the right one.

31. Experiences are infinitely better than stuff. They also provide better memories.

32. The “karma train” is real. All aboard!

33. No accomplishment or recognition can replace truly loving and accepting yourself.

National Drug Take Back Day

IPLeave a comment

We interrupt your regularly scheduled inspirational programming to bring you a special announcement. Today, October 26, 2019 is National Prescription Drug Take Back Day!

The goal of this initiative is to provide a safe responsible way to dispose of unused or expired prescription medications. Remember, the majority of abused prescription medications are obtained from the medicine cabinets of family or friends.

Here are some local collection sites:

You can learn more or find additional collection sites here: https://takebackday.dea.gov/

Let me know if you dropped your medications off in the comments below!

Do something good for your community, today.

-IP